What We Deserve

I had a conversation with a great friend of mine and the topic started centering on what we believe we deserve in our lives. To me, ever since I was a kid, I was told that I deserve whatever I put all my energy and life into. That we don’t deserve the days off unless we've earned them. It's a very capitalistic approach to life, but I question where masculinity comes into play here as most capitalist ideologies were formulated by the privileged class which has always been men. So what is masculine about deservedness? The biggest thing that comes to mind is men are taught that without work they are not worthy. That you can only earn this feeling through wealth and fortune. Which usually leaves men conditioned to ignore their physical and mental health if work is in the way, but work will always be in the way. There will always be another paycheck, another nine to five job, another shitty boss who runs you into the ground because they can. But you will never be worthy, at least never worthy of capitalism's wet dream. We will always be in this cycle of questioning our worth and this leaves men particularly vulnerable to drastic emotional reactions. These reactions aren’t always to the extreme like in the manosphere communities, the most harm comes to the man inside his own brain. Self harm isn’t only just physical signs like cuts and bruises. Self harm in men can look like emotionally distancing, drinking a lot of alcohol, blowing off plans with friends. It can also look like depressive episodes where you forget to eat, take showers, or speak unless spoken to. This all due to this feeling of lack of worth in a society that pushes you to your max and doesn’t congratulate you. There is a cure to lack of worth, and it’s within knowing yourself and your emotional boundaries. Telling yourself you will find a job, or that you did a great job in that interview, or that you spent a lot of work on that presentation and if no one will say, you are proud of you. It's the art of distancing your worth from your work, and it's hard. But you will get better and this mental work is supposed to make you uncomfortable because it challenges society's dominant ideas. You will get better, and you do deserve that.