Teaching Moment

I was at the coffee shop today that had these beautiful large windows, letting the sun pour like cream over a hot cake. Each corner of the room was filled to the brim with chuckles and wool socks, and I zeroed in on the ones making the most noise, two little kids. The parents were in their own little world as their son terrorized their daughter with a truck toy. He was running the wheels up and down her face as she continued to ask for her mother. I watched curiously at what would happen next and was surprised when the daughter pushed him back. Immediately the parents separated the two of them and made sure that the son was okay first. This made me start to question my own upbringing. How whenever I got into fights with my sisters my father would step in and usually steer my sisters away from me. Out of the womb I was labeled as someone who might act out aggressively when provoked. Someone who couldn’t control their feelings and had to have all eyes on me at all times. But I was never that violent as a kid, but many boys are. They act out in surges of anger when crying about something becomes too “sissy” or feeling worried is labeled as being a baby. If emotions are not categorized as feminine they are labeled as childish or further reduced to the actions of an animal. You see it in horror movies when people call the other person a chicken or a scardy cat and then they get murdered anyways. This boy earlier wasn’t a violent delinquent, he was the beginnings of a path towards silencing of emotions and being seen as someone who could seriously harm others. I will go further and say that most women who act out in violence are following the culture of dominance laid down by toxic masculinity. That people aren’t inherently violent but are taught they can get away with it depending on how they present gender motives. I’m not sure if I would have reacted any differently as a parent as they were not paying attention, but I would have asked what was happening and helped figure out the solution together and not automatically take one side or the other.