Wanting To Run

I meandered throughout my day without too much concern. I have been distancing myself from an ex-partner and days can often feel like floating down a lazy river as the sun sets. Each second is drawn to perfection and leaves my mind in a constant state of either severe bliss or scorched insanity. I received some news tonight that made me want to run from everything. It's the easy thing for a man to do, to run. Whether that running is away from responsibilities or from myself. It's too easy to succumb to the narrative of not feeling anything, to let the anaconda of my issues suffocate me, but today I will choose to feel. I won’t shrink into myself, I will actively seek comfort in the words of friends. I won’t force myself not to cope with my feelings, I will not let society dictate what is allowed of me. Today I choose to sob for a life not lived, to let breathing become difficult. To truly let myself feel every inch of this love and loss. I owe it to every man who represses himself, and I cannot let them down. Today I will allow myself to be.